Your US Twitter Trends for August 31, 2015


I need to put some space between my Pokémon posts, and I don’t have anything else lined up for right now, so let’s take a casual look-see at what’s going on in the world through the lens of Twitter trends. The trends lens, if you will (and I will).


#MondayMotivation

This must be one of those things like Throwback Thursday that’s really popular because people can’t get enough alliteration in their lives. Based on what I’ve looked at under the tag, most people either don’t understand what is universally motivating to others or are motivated by very cryptic and/or trifling things that are meaningful only to them.

I personally have no Monday motivation. I’ve returned to the world of higher education to finish up the few credit hours left on my bachelor’s degree, and thus I should be doing homework right now. Instead I’m writing about hashtags. This does not bode well for the late weeks of the semester.


#MyTypein4Words

The only time I enjoy hashtags of this nature is when Todd Barry says, “I will now participate in the trending topic #_______.”


Fred Jackson

I had to click the link to learn who Fred Jackson was. Evidently he is a football player that the New England Patriots are interested in pursuing. I do not care for football so this trending topic is not relevant to my interests.


Kirk Cousins

Kirk Cousins is also a football player. He is the new quarterback for the Washington Redskins, a team with a more heightened presence on my radar than others because of all the social media uproar about how they should change their terrible racist name. I think they should change it, but if it does happen it’s going to take fooooorrrrreeeeeveeeeerrrrr. I grew up in a small town whose mascot was and still is the Indians, and there are a lot of nice and perfectly sensible people in that town who cannot fathom of why you would ever change such a thing. They talked about it once, briefly, several years ago. I seem to recall that the Panthers was put forward as an alternative. It just kind of fell by the wayside and they kept on being the Indians. I wanted to find a picture of the mascot, but I don’t think they wear the mask anymore, which is at least a step in the right direction, because man alive, I wish you could see the nose on that thing. Good gravy. It was the most caricaturish depiction of a Native American chief you’ve ever seen manifested in three dimensions. Awful. Completely embarrassing. They still wear the giant headdress and the leather getup and all that, and they usually have a very fair-skinned Caucasian girl in the role, which is problematic in its own ways. Progress doesn’t always come in giant leaps though.


Will Smith

Will Smith is not a football player, thank goodness. Not in real life, anyway: he’ll be playing one in a movie called Concussion, in which Luke Wilson may or may not being playing NFL commissioner Roger Goodell. Will Smith has been trying too hard for approximately the last 14 years (since Ali came out). I don’t think he knows how to really cut loose anymore. He did the Carlton on the Graham Norton Show that one time, but I don’t think that was at all spontaneous and was pretty much calculated for maximum impact, and plus his dumber-than-a-bag-of-hammers kid was there, which, yuck.


#ikwydbanner

I guessed before clicking the link that IKWYD stood for I Know What You Did, and I was correct. It has something to do with some musician I’ve never heard of named Jacob Whitesides. I’m not sure why it requires a banner. Maybe somebody has some insider dirt on the Hulk.


Blue Bell

I live in Texas, though not the part that will soon be seeing the imminent return of Blue Bell ice cream to grocery shelves. People everywhere are vibrating so hard with excitement about this triumphant resurrection that they have all but gained the ability to phase through solid walls, but as a self-styled connoisseur of junk food, I have no idea why everyone is getting their lather up about it. Those people should have been taking the time while Blue Bell was AWOL to get better acquainted with two guys named Ben and Jerry. Despite my awful diet, I don’t eat sweets very often, so when I do I like to go premium. Go hard or go home, as the proverbial “they” say.

Over the past year or so I’ve really taken to the word “basic”. It has been such an incredible boon to my daily conversations and even to my writing. It covers so much ground. If I was one of the people on the OED committee who gets to decide words-of-the-year, “basic” would be on my short list. That said, getting super-excited about the return of Blue Bell is about as basic as it gets.


#USOpen2015

I care even less about tennis than I do about football. The only times I’ve cared about tennis are the occasions on which David Foster Wallace wrote about it.


#VMworld

Since the VMAs happened last night with their Miley and their Nicki and the industrial tonnage of shade being thrown this way and that, I assumed this was some sort of next-day spillover. “We know what America thinks—now let’s hear from the rest of the planet!” Turns out it’s actually some kind of tech convention. Kind of a relief, to be honest.


Tyrod Taylor

Another football player. Gee, I wonder if football season is almost here.
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